It's time to tell the truth...

It's time to explain what's been happening with me lately. Please understand that this isn't easy for me to talk about as I get very embarrassed and uncomfortable when I do, but I feel as though I'm hiding the truth from you and that's not something I want to do. I'm guessing half of you will probably read this, shrug it off, and say cool, whatever, it's all good. But for the others (especially Benji and Erin) I am truly sorry for keeping the whole truth from you and hope you understand that I was just trying to save you the worry. Forgive me.

The truth is... I am sick.

I have had "Dimorphic Anemia" for the last 18 months and unfortunately my body is unable to recover from it. I have been having treatment during this time but with little improvement. I'm on a course of Iron Injections and Medication and for the most part they make me feel a lot better, but due to a number of reason, I can't maintain the necessary levels needed to live a healthy, normal life.

To explain properly what Anemia is, I'm going to use the delightful tool that is Wikipedia as it can explain it a lot better than I can. I will cut and paste the parts that are relevant to me.

Anemia is defined as a deficiency of hemoglobin, a molecule found inside red blood cells (RBCs). Since hemoglobin normally carries oxygen from the lungs to the tissues, anemia leads to hypoxia (lack of oxygen) in organs. Since all human cells depend on oxygen for survival, varying degrees of anemia can have a wide range of clinical consequences.The three main classes of anemia include excessive blood loss, acutely such as a hemorrhage or chronically through low-volume loss...

This is why I bruise so easily and why they remain for so long. It is also why I feel pain so much, and why the softest of pokes or concentrated hits can hurt so bad.

excessive blood cell destruction, or deficient red blood cell production

This is my main problem, my body can't produce enough Blood Cells quick enough to repair itself and circulate oxygen properly.

Anemia goes undetected in many people, and symptoms can be small and vague. Most commonly, people with anemia report a feeling of weakness or fatigue in general or during exercise, general malaise and sometimes poor concentration.

I have this problem a lot. I am always tired and yet find it hard to sleep.

People with more severe anemia often report dyspnea (shortness of breath) on exertion. Very severe anemia prompts the body to compensate by increasing cardiac output, leading to palpitations and sweatiness, and to heart failure.

Again, this is one of my symptoms, sometimes my breathing can be irregular, often ending in hyperventilation and resulting in me passing out. Time for a confession. This has happened a few times. I have awoken to find myself on the floor from what must have been me passing out. This is terrifying, as I never have a recollection of the event. Imagine just waking up on the floor thinking WTF.

Pallor (pale skin, mucosal linings and nail beds) is often a useful diagnostic sign in moderate or severe anemia, but it is not always apparent.

Well this one is obviously, I'm always pale, that's no secret.

Chronic anemia may result in behavioral disturbances.

Ok, this is one of the main reasons why I have kept this from you. I have been battling depression through this whole illness. My mood swings have become hard to control and conceal. I can often be laughing one minute and crying the next. And Ben, I know you have suffered some what because of this, as I can be hot and cold with you, without warning, and for this I am truly sorry. You have often asked me what's wrong and I haven't been able to tell you, as I haven't known myself. But I assure you, that it's not you Baby, it's my issue, and with your support, I will overcome it. Ez has also witnessed some of my not so finest moments, and I think she was beginning to work out what was going on, sorry for not telling you sooner Bella.

Iron deficiency anemia is the most common type of anemia overall and it has many causes. Its caused by insufficient dietary intake or absorption of iron to replace losses from menstruation or losses due to diseases. Iron is an essential part of hemoglobin, and low iron levels result in decreased incorporation of hemoglobin into red blood cells.

In my defence, I have told a couple of you about this part. A few of you know that I am lacking Iron in my body and need to eat more Red meat and Green Veggies which are both high in iron, but for the rest of you, here's the deal. This type of Anemia is my main problem, and by itself, isn't too serious, but unfortunately when you combined this and the other forms of Anemia I have, it becomes serious. I have been having Iron Injections every week for months. They are painful and often cause me to feel worse the the following 24 hours. But they give my body a iron boost and with the tablets and vitamins I am also taking, they help some what. Ideally, this would be enough to cure me, but unfortunately my body is not able to maintain the higher levels, hence the need to have continuous dosages.

Normocytic anaemia occurs when the overall hemoglobin levels are always decreased. Causes include:
Acute blood loss
Anemia of chronic disease
Aplastic anemia (bone marrow failure)
Hemolytic anemia

Ok, time to level with you all. This is the type of Anemia I am avoiding by a thread. The Doctors are already worried about my Bone Marrow and have explained that if my body doesn't start responding to treatment, my Bone Marrow will start to suffer, and therefore a transplant may be required. I am praying that this won't be the case.

Dimorphic anemia (which is the technical name of what I have) is when two or more causes of anemia act simultaneously. Possible complications: The lack of iron associated with anemia can cause many complications, including hypoxemia, brittle or rigid fingernails, cold intolerance, (yes, this is why I'm so freaking cold all the time) and possible behavioral disturbances. Cold intolerance occurs in one in five patients with iron deficiency anemia, and becomes visible through numbness and tingling.

I often have this symptom.

Treatments for anemia: There are many different treatments for anemia and the treatment depends on severity and the cause. Mild to moderate iron deficiency anemia is treated by iron supplementation with ferrous sulfate or ferrous gluconate. Vitamin C may aid in the body's ability to absorb iron. Vitamin supplements given orally (folic acid) or subcutaneously (vitamin B-12) will replace specific deficiencies.

I am currently taking tablets for this and obviously the injections I mentioned before.

In severe cases of anemia, a blood transfusion may be necessary.

I have already discussed this possibility with my Doctor.

So there you have it, all the not-so-wonderful details that make me a freak. I constantly experience dizziness, fainting, severe shakes, headaches, mood swings, and I throw up at least one meal a day. As most of you know, I had to resign from teaching this term as to try and get some rest. It was NOT my choice and something I hate to have done, but it was that or a hospital visit for two weeks while being hooked upto a drip 24/7. Not fun. So I am trying to "Chillax" more and stress less, and actually give my body a chance to heal, but I'm not doing a great job of that, and it's hard when you work the hours I do. But meh, I'm trying!

Once again, I am sorry for not being more honest with you all about my condition, but I can't easily talk about it, and thought this would be the easiest way to tell you. But with your support and some rest, I'm sure I will be just fine. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to your comments.

Now... it's time to tell my family :(

Love Shaz xoxo