It has occurred to me lately that even though our lives are intertwined with one another's, they are very independently lived. We all have our own lives, consisting of our own problems, and own ambitions. I have been playing the "counsellor" for a few people lately (a refreshing change as it's normally me with the problems) and it made me realise that we all have issues in our lives that for the most part, we have to deal with alone. Our family and friends are there of course to help us with them, but in the end, any decisions and accountabilities are ours alone to bear. Many of us talk about our futures and what we want out of life, but when doing so have little consideration for the people around us. They seldom consider what impact their future paths have on the people already in their lives. By chasing their dreams, or following a new path, do they even consider those people they are leaving behind? And is this necessarily a bad thing? Would we be selfish in excepting them to? I’m starting to believe life isn’t designed to be shared, it’s meant to be lived solo. We’re born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. Only throughout love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone. But is it just that, an illusion?
I have always believed in the saying “A problem shared is a problem halved” but I’m starting to wonder how true this is. When confiding in a friend and sharing our problems, how interested is the other person really? How much do they really care when the issue doesn’t directly affect them? And when asking for advice or opinions from friends, are we really interested in their responses, or are we only hoping to hear what we want to hear? I always believed that life was suppose to be shared and experienced with the people we love, that this was the way of measuring it’s worth. But I am starting to think differently, I’m starting to think maybe life is supposed to be lived alone. “Whoever starts out toward the unknown must consent to venture alone”.
Saturday 28 June 2008
You'll Never Walk alone? I'm not so sure...
Posted by Shazzie at 9:18 pm
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8 comments:
so very very true!
Shazzie Shaz Shaz don't be so depressing! Yes we are born alone and basically live alone but it's still shared with people we love.
I've never believed in the saying "a problem shared is a problem halved" I don't think it's true but maybe it's only a metaphorical thing where it feels like it's halved when really it's not
Depends what kind of problem it is. Some problems are just not solvable on ones own. But there are others that you must solve by yourself.
As for the whole live alone, die alone thing, I would say that yes, the mysteries of life cannot be told to us by other people, so wherever we go in search of them we ultimately go alone, except for the times when other peoples path happen to cross our own. This is not a sad thing, it is just the way it is. I think it would be selfish to expect people to stop their journey and linger around so that yours might be easier or more enjoyable. But as nat says, the shared experience is not less for it.
Eventually I think we either find what we're looking for or decide there isn't anything to find and just find a nice place to live and something interesting to do.
I'm not being depressing, I'm being a realist. I have come to the conclusion that by coming to terms with being alone, I am less likely to be disappointed when my expectations aren't met. It’s less painful that way.
As for Ben’s comment: “Eventually I think we either find what we're looking for or decide there isn't anything to find and just find a nice place to live and something interesting to do”, sounds like you are settling! Don’t do that, you will never find true happiness!
Realism is not accepting that you will be alone (which I do not believe to neccesarily be the case, at least in the sense that I believe you mean it) in order to avoid unmet expectations, but rather the setting of realistic expectations that are able to be met.
If you truly know your surroundings and the people around you then in the overwhelming majority of cases be able to generate expectations that are able to be and therefore often will be met. Unmet expectations are often a result of having an image of those around you which does not match the actual people and therefore leads to unrealistic expectations which will rarely if ever be met.
There are certainly many problems that can only rightly be resolved within your own being, but this does not in any way diminish the contributions of those we spend our time with, nor does it mean that all problems must be solved alone.
As for whether or not people really care about what other people have to say, particularly when someone confides in another about something that's troubling them, I'd say that it's entirely subjective and varies from person to person (and that applies to both the confider and the confidant) and problem to problem, as is whether someone is after a genuine response or just some supportive (but not neccesarily correct) reinforcement.
I agree with Jason, I don't think you have the same concept of realism. Others can meet your expectations if they are fair and suitable in regards to that person. Or maybe it's better simply to have fewer expectations of others, although that is very hard. you often create expectations subconsciously and don't notice until they aren't met...
I also don't have a problem with pain and disappointment. Don't you find life boring when everything is going your way and you are so constantly happy? Maybe I just crave disaster
There is a difference between settling for something and changing your priorities about what it actually is that you want.
Additionally it's worth bearing in mind that talking generalities when you (probably) have a specific in mind can lead to an incorrect view of the responses.
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